Why You Should Reconsider Having a Big Wedding: A Case for Intimate Celebrations

Bottom line up front: While big weddings may seem glamorous, they often come with significant financial, emotional, and relationship costs that can overshadow the joy of your special day. Small, intimate weddings offer better value, less stress, and more meaningful experiences for couples starting their marriage journey.

Planning your dream wedding? Before you get swept up in the allure of a grand celebration with hundreds of guests, consider the compelling reasons why a smaller, more intimate affair might be the better choice for your relationship, your wallet, and your well being.

The Financial Reality: Wedding Debt is a Marriage Killer

The numbers are sobering. Over half of newlyweds (56%) borrowed money to help pay for their wedding via credit cards, loans or a combination of both, and 67% of newlyweds say they went into debt to pay for their wedding. Even more concerning, big weddings come with higher price tags – and larger debt burdens. Newlyweds who had large weddings (more than 150 guests) were twice as likely to go into debt to pay for it than those who had small weddings (fewer than 50 guests), at 65% and 32%, respectively.

This debt doesn’t just disappear after the honeymoon. Research shows that financial stress is one of the leading causes of marital problems. According to a SunTrust Bank survey conducted online by Harris Poll, 35% of people blame finances for the stress they experience in their relationships, and alarmingly, 54% of respondents believe that having a partner who is in debt is a major reason to consider divorce.

The hidden costs of big weddings include:

• Venue expenses that scale with guest count
• Catering costs that multiply per person
• Increased rental needs for tables, chairs, and linens
• Higher decoration and floral costs to fill larger spaces
• Extended photography and entertainment requirements

Relationship Stress: When Planning Becomes a Burden

Wedding planning should bring couples together, but the pressure of organizing a large event often has the opposite effect. Money was the top wedding planning stressor at 23%, ahead of pre-wedding jitters (20%) and the guest list (19%), and over half (53%) of newlyweds say they had financial arguments with their partner before or after their wedding.

The complexity of managing a large guest list creates additional stress points:

• Guest list politics: Navigating family expectations and avoiding hurt feelings becomes exponentially more difficult with larger numbers
• Vendor coordination: More guests mean more complex logistics and vendor management
• Timeline pressure: Large weddings require longer planning periods and more detailed scheduling

“It’s completely normal to have a rough patch during your engagement,” says dating and relationship coach Carla Romo. “As long as you and your partner are both open to growth, a rough patch during wedding planning isn’t necessarily a predictor of how your marriage will go.” However, why create unnecessary stress when you could avoid it entirely?

The Quality Over Quantity Advantage

Small weddings offer numerous benefits that large celebrations simply cannot match:

More Meaningful Connections

One of the biggest regrets of newlyweds is that they didn’t spend enough time with each guest. With fewer guests you can cherish everyone that made the effort to be there, with no pressure to ‘get to everybody’. Each person will feel truly valued.

Enhanced Experience Quality

For couples who aren’t willing to sacrifice ambiance and style, opting for a small wedding allows you beautifully curate each element of your wedding design. With fewer people to feed and tables to decorate, you’ll have the opportunity to allocate more budget towards the design elements of your dreams.

Venue Flexibility

There are only so many large venues available, and the larger the wedding, the fewer options there will be. For some couples, this can mean giving up the perfect venue. With a small wedding, you’ll have more places to look into that can be exactly what you’ve hoped for.

Reduced Planning Complexity

Not only will a smaller wedding cost less money, it will also cost less time to organise. Any DIY tasks you’re planning on doing for your wedding won’t monopolise your time to such an extent since there will be less things to make.

The Psychological Benefits of Going Small

Reduced Social Anxiety

Do you or your partner consider yourselves an introvert who’s easily overwhelmed with a big crowd? A smaller guest list might be the perfect solution for a low-key wedding day. You’ll enjoy those personal moments like exchanging vows or sharing your first dance without the added pressure of hundreds of eyes staring at once.

Authentic Celebration

Small weddings allow you to focus on what truly matters – celebrating your love with those closest to you. You have a thoughtfully chosen group of friends and family there to support you on your special day. You can bypass the pressure to invite every distant relative, colleague, college friends, parents’ friends, or random acquaintance you’ve ever known.

Less Performance Pressure

Large weddings often feel like performances where couples spend more time hosting than celebrating. With fewer guests, you can actually enjoy your own wedding day rather than rushing from table to table trying to greet everyone.

Financial Freedom: What You Could Do Instead

The money saved from having a smaller wedding can be redirected toward building your future together:

• Down payment on a home: Many couples could use wedding savings as a house deposit
• Debt elimination: Pay off student loans or credit cards to start marriage debt-free
• Epic honeymoon: Invest in an unforgettable travel experience
• Emergency fund: Build financial security for your new household
• Investment portfolio: Start building wealth for your future together

Downsizing your wedding can give you the monetary resources to kickstart the shared financial well-being of you and your spouse.

Breaking Free from Social Pressure

Society and social media create unrealistic expectations about what weddings “should” look like. Buckling under the pressure to have an Instagram-worthy wedding often means borrowing tens of thousands of dollars to cover the cost – and starting married life burdened by debt.

Remember that your wedding day is about you and your partner – not about impressing others or meeting external expectations. The wedding is a great opportunity for couples to make wise financial decisions, setting themselves up for financial success with a strong start.

When Small Weddings Make the Most Sense

Consider a smaller celebration if:

• You and your partner prefer intimate gatherings
• You’re paying for the wedding yourselves
• You have specific financial goals (home ownership, debt elimination, etc.)
• You want to prioritize certain elements (photography, venue, honeymoon)
• You’re planning on a shorter timeline
• You want to minimize family politics and drama

Making Your Small Wedding Special

A smaller guest count doesn’t mean sacrificing style or significance. Focus on:

• Quality vendors: Invest in a great photographer and caterer
• Personal touches: Create meaningful details that reflect your relationship
• Unique venue: Choose a location that might not accommodate large groups
• Interactive elements: Plan activities that work well with smaller groups
• Premium experiences: Offer higher-quality food, drinks, and entertainment

The Bottom Line

While there’s nothing inherently wrong with large weddings, they’re not right for everyone – and perhaps not right for most couples when you consider the financial and emotional costs. “So many relationships fail because of arguments over money. Why perpetuate the problem by going into debt together? If you aren’t in a position to afford the wedding you want, then have the wedding you can afford,” says Wilson. “You can always have a much larger anniversary party later.”

Your wedding day should be a celebration of your love and commitment, not a source of stress, debt, or relationship strain. By choosing a smaller, more intimate celebration, you can focus on what truly matters: starting your marriage on solid financial and emotional ground, surrounded by the people who matter most.

Remember, the goal isn’t just to have a beautiful wedding day – it’s to build a beautiful life together. Sometimes, the best way to honor that commitment is to start small, start smart, and start debt-free.

The average wedding cost continues to rise, but your happiness doesn’t have to depend on the size of your guest list or your budget. Consider what truly matters to you as a couple, and don’t be afraid to choose the celebration that aligns with your values and financial goals rather than societal expectations.