Jack, Author at Marriage Notary and Wedding Officiant

Why You Should Reconsider Having a Big Wedding: A Case for Intimate Celebrations

Bottom line up front: While big weddings may seem glamorous, they often come with significant financial, emotional, and relationship costs that can overshadow the joy of your special day. Small, intimate weddings offer better value, less stress, and more meaningful experiences for couples starting their marriage journey.

Planning your dream wedding? Before you get swept up in the allure of a grand celebration with hundreds of guests, consider the compelling reasons why a smaller, more intimate affair might be the better choice for your relationship, your wallet, and your well being.

The Financial Reality: Wedding Debt is a Marriage Killer

The numbers are sobering. Over half of newlyweds (56%) borrowed money to help pay for their wedding via credit cards, loans or a combination of both, and 67% of newlyweds say they went into debt to pay for their wedding. Even more concerning, big weddings come with higher price tags – and larger debt burdens. Newlyweds who had large weddings (more than 150 guests) were twice as likely to go into debt to pay for it than those who had small weddings (fewer than 50 guests), at 65% and 32%, respectively.

This debt doesn’t just disappear after the honeymoon. Research shows that financial stress is one of the leading causes of marital problems. According to a SunTrust Bank survey conducted online by Harris Poll, 35% of people blame finances for the stress they experience in their relationships, and alarmingly, 54% of respondents believe that having a partner who is in debt is a major reason to consider divorce.

The hidden costs of big weddings include:

Venue expenses that scale with guest count
Catering costs that multiply per person
Increased rental needs for tables, chairs, and linens
Higher decoration and floral costs to fill larger spaces
Extended photography and entertainment requirements

Relationship Stress: When Planning Becomes a Burden

Wedding planning should bring couples together, but the pressure of organizing a large event often has the opposite effect. Money was the top wedding planning stressor at 23%, ahead of pre-wedding jitters (20%) and the guest list (19%), and over half (53%) of newlyweds say they had financial arguments with their partner before or after their wedding.

The complexity of managing a large guest list creates additional stress points:

Guest list politics: Navigating family expectations and avoiding hurt feelings becomes exponentially more difficult with larger numbers
Vendor coordination: More guests mean more complex logistics and vendor management
Timeline pressure: Large weddings require longer planning periods and more detailed scheduling

“It’s completely normal to have a rough patch during your engagement,” says dating and relationship coach Carla Romo. “As long as you and your partner are both open to growth, a rough patch during wedding planning isn’t necessarily a predictor of how your marriage will go.” However, why create unnecessary stress when you could avoid it entirely?

The Quality Over Quantity Advantage

Small weddings offer numerous benefits that large celebrations simply cannot match:

More Meaningful Connections

One of the biggest regrets of newlyweds is that they didn’t spend enough time with each guest. With fewer guests you can cherish everyone that made the effort to be there, with no pressure to ‘get to everybody’. Each person will feel truly valued.

Enhanced Experience Quality

For couples who aren’t willing to sacrifice ambiance and style, opting for a small wedding allows you beautifully curate each element of your wedding design. With fewer people to feed and tables to decorate, you’ll have the opportunity to allocate more budget towards the design elements of your dreams.

Venue Flexibility

There are only so many large venues available, and the larger the wedding, the fewer options there will be. For some couples, this can mean giving up the perfect venue. With a small wedding, you’ll have more places to look into that can be exactly what you’ve hoped for.

Reduced Planning Complexity

Not only will a smaller wedding cost less money, it will also cost less time to organise. Any DIY tasks you’re planning on doing for your wedding won’t monopolise your time to such an extent since there will be less things to make.

The Psychological Benefits of Going Small

Reduced Social Anxiety

Do you or your partner consider yourselves an introvert who’s easily overwhelmed with a big crowd? A smaller guest list might be the perfect solution for a low-key wedding day. You’ll enjoy those personal moments like exchanging vows or sharing your first dance without the added pressure of hundreds of eyes staring at once.

Authentic Celebration

Small weddings allow you to focus on what truly matters – celebrating your love with those closest to you. You have a thoughtfully chosen group of friends and family there to support you on your special day. You can bypass the pressure to invite every distant relative, colleague, college friends, parents’ friends, or random acquaintance you’ve ever known.

Less Performance Pressure

Large weddings often feel like performances where couples spend more time hosting than celebrating. With fewer guests, you can actually enjoy your own wedding day rather than rushing from table to table trying to greet everyone.

Financial Freedom: What You Could Do Instead

The money saved from having a smaller wedding can be redirected toward building your future together:

Down payment on a home: Many couples could use wedding savings as a house deposit
Debt elimination: Pay off student loans or credit cards to start marriage debt-free
Epic honeymoon: Invest in an unforgettable travel experience
Emergency fund: Build financial security for your new household
Investment portfolio: Start building wealth for your future together

Downsizing your wedding can give you the monetary resources to kickstart the shared financial well-being of you and your spouse.

Breaking Free from Social Pressure

Society and social media create unrealistic expectations about what weddings “should” look like. Buckling under the pressure to have an Instagram-worthy wedding often means borrowing tens of thousands of dollars to cover the cost – and starting married life burdened by debt.

Remember that your wedding day is about you and your partner – not about impressing others or meeting external expectations. The wedding is a great opportunity for couples to make wise financial decisions, setting themselves up for financial success with a strong start.

When Small Weddings Make the Most Sense

Consider a smaller celebration if:

You and your partner prefer intimate gatherings
You’re paying for the wedding yourselves
You have specific financial goals (home ownership, debt elimination, etc.)
You want to prioritize certain elements (photography, venue, honeymoon)
You’re planning on a shorter timeline
You want to minimize family politics and drama

Making Your Small Wedding Special

A smaller guest count doesn’t mean sacrificing style or significance. Focus on:

Quality vendors: Invest in a great photographer and caterer
Personal touches: Create meaningful details that reflect your relationship
Unique venue: Choose a location that might not accommodate large groups
Interactive elements: Plan activities that work well with smaller groups
Premium experiences: Offer higher-quality food, drinks, and entertainment

The Bottom Line

While there’s nothing inherently wrong with large weddings, they’re not right for everyone – and perhaps not right for most couples when you consider the financial and emotional costs. “So many relationships fail because of arguments over money. Why perpetuate the problem by going into debt together? If you aren’t in a position to afford the wedding you want, then have the wedding you can afford,” says Wilson. “You can always have a much larger anniversary party later.”

Your wedding day should be a celebration of your love and commitment, not a source of stress, debt, or relationship strain. By choosing a smaller, more intimate celebration, you can focus on what truly matters: starting your marriage on solid financial and emotional ground, surrounded by the people who matter most.

Remember, the goal isn’t just to have a beautiful wedding day – it’s to build a beautiful life together. Sometimes, the best way to honor that commitment is to start small, start smart, and start debt-free.

The average wedding cost continues to rise, but your happiness doesn’t have to depend on the size of your guest list or your budget. Consider what truly matters to you as a couple, and don’t be afraid to choose the celebration that aligns with your values and financial goals rather than societal expectations.

What is an Apostille and Why You Might Need One

What is an Apostille and Why Do You Need One?

An apostille is an international certification that makes documents legal and valid for use in foreign countries. Think of it as a “super notarization” recognized by all countries that signed the Hague Apostille Convention of 1961.

The apostille is a square-shaped stamp or certificate that validates the authenticity of the document’s origin. It confirms that the person who signed the document held the proper authority to do so.

Common documents requiring apostilles include:
– Birth, death, and marriage certificates
– Academic diplomas and transcripts
– Corporate documents
– Power of attorney forms
– Court documents

To obtain an apostille in most countries, you’ll need:
1. The original document or certified copy
2. Proper notarization (if required)
3. Submission to your country’s designated apostille authority

The process typically takes 2-7 business days and costs vary by country and document type. Not all countries accept apostilles – only those party to the Hague Convention. For non-member countries, different authentication procedures apply.

Remember: documents must be issued in the same country where you’re requesting the apostille. A US birth certificate must get a US Apostille, not a French one, even if it’s being used in France.

To obtain an Apostille in South Carolina for a South Carlina document, contact the Secretary of State.

Social Security Offices in South Carolina

Many brides wish to change their last name after getting married. We have a blog post about changing your name after getting married here. The first step is to change the name on your social security number, but many people do not know where the Social Security offices are located. Here is a list of the cities where there is a SS office in SC.

One suggestion. If you are close to Columbia, but have the time, visit a different office. The SS office in Columbia is the worst! Here is a recent opinion letter about how bad the Columbia office can be.

Social Security Offices in SC

Columbia
Sumter
Orangeburg
Rock Hill
Florence
Aiken
Clinton
Greenwood
Greenville
Spartanburg
Bennetsville
Charleston
Beaufort
Myrtle Beach
Anderson
Walterboro
Georgetwon

Wedding at Hampton-Preston Mansion and Gardens

Have performed large weddings here but didn’t realize they allowed small weddings for no fee. Gardens are open to the public 10 a.m. –  4 p.m. Tuesday – Saturday | 1 – 4 p.m. Sunday. Sometimes the gardens are closed for special events so you need to call and confirm for your wedding day. Call +18032527742 I performed a small elopement here today and it was very nice. Beautiful arches and two gazebos for bad weather.

Anniversary Box

Many couples are now choosing to include an Anniversary Box in their wedding ceremony.

The box can be opened on a chosen anniversary date, or upon some other event. Some couples choose to open it on the occasion of their first fight!

Each couple writes a letter about the other to include in the box, including such thoughts as to why they chose to marry this person, remembrances of their first date, how they met, etc. In addition to the letters, you can also include wine, or champagne, or some other significant item.

Here is a sample script to include in the wedding ceremony;

Anniversary Box Ceremony

_____ and _____ have chosen as a couple to perform a Anniversary Box ceremony.

This box contains a love letter from each to the other. The letters describe the good qualities they find in one another, the reasons they fell in love, and their reasons for choosing to marry. The letters are sealed in individual envelopes and they have not seen what the other has written. You have created your very own “romantic” time capsule to be opened on your ____ wedding anniversary.

I recommend that you keep the box in a place of honor prominently displayed in your home as a constant reminder of your commitment to each other.

_____ and _____ should you ever find your marriage enduring insurmountable hardships, you are to as a couple, open this box, then separate and read the letters you wrote to one another when you were united as a couple in marriage. By reading these love letters you will reflect upon the reasons you fell in love and chose to marry each other here today.

The hope is, however, that you will never have a reason to open this box. And if this is the case, you are to open this box to share and enjoy on your 5th year wedding anniversary!

_____ and _____, you may now seal the box

Renewal of Marriage Vows

What is a vow renewal? Vow renewals are ceremonies where a couple renews the vows they made to each other when they were first married. Many couples like to hold vow renewal ceremonies on a particular anniversary, like a 10th, 20th, or 50th wedding anniversary, but there is no requirement that take place on a particular date. It is entirely up to the couple.

You can hold a vow renewal ceremony for many different reasons. Because of the Covid 19 pandemic many couples today are having to postpone their planned for big wedding. A vow renewal ceremony at a later date when the pandemic is over would be a perfect way to celebrate ones marriage.

Remember that a vow renewal ceremony is not a legal ceremony. It is symbolic. You are already legally married. Because of that, there are nor requirements that you have a legally appointed wedding officiant present. However, if you are not already legally married (with a valid, recorded marriage license) then a vow renewal ceremony does not make you legally married.

Look here for some sample vow renewal ceremonies, numbers 11 and 12.

Unity Lasso Ceremony

Weddings are ceremonies that have a lot of tradition incorporated into them. Many couples choose to use as part of their wedding ceremony something that is peculiar to their culture. One such example of a cultural ceremony is the “Wedding Lasso Rosary”, popular in the Spanish and Hispanic communities. If you’re looking for a unique ritual to incorporate into your upcoming wedding ceremony, the Unity lasso ceremony may just be what you’ve been searching for.

Sample Lasso Ceremony

_________ and _________ have chosen to incorporate the Lasso ritual into their wedding ceremony today. The Lasso is a wedding ritual in which the couple are bound together with a ceremonial rosary. Lassoing is a declaration of intent, where the bride and groom clearly state that they are marrying of their own free will.

_________ and _________ since your lives have crossed in this life, you have formed eternal and sacred bonds. As you enter this state of matrimony you should strive to make real the ideals that to you, give meaning to this ceremony and to the institution of marriage.

With full awareness, know that within this Lasso you are not only declaring your intent to be bound together before your friends and family, but you speak that intent also to God.

The promises made today and the ties that are bound here greatly strengthen your union and will cross the years and lives of each soul’s growth.

_________ and _________, I ask you to hold hands and look into each others eyes.

Will you honor and respect one another, and seek to never break that honor?

Will you share each other’s pain and seek to ease it?

Will you share the burdens of each so that your spirits may grow in this union?

Will you share each other’s laughter, and look for the brightness in life and the positive in each other?

Bride & Groom: We will.

(Officiant drapes the Lasso in the form of an “8” around the shoulders of the Bride and Groom.)

_________ and _________ , as you are bound together now, so too your lives and spirits are joined in a union of everlasting love and trust. Above you are the stars and below you is the earth. Like the stars your love should be a constant source of light, and like the earth, a firm foundation from which to grow.

(Officiant offers a prayer, removes the Lasso before the Bride and Groom rise, then presents the Lasso to the Groom who will later give it to the Bride.)