Should you write your own wedding vows?
Your wedding is coming up. You have to decide on your vows. Should you write your own vows? Or let your wedding officiant use traditional ones? It’s sometimes not an easy question to answer.
While there are a number of variations, the most commonly known traditional vow is: “I, ______, take thee, ______, to be my wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part.” The officiant reads one line at a time, and the soon-to-be-weds repeat said line in order to affirm their commitment to one another. If you choose to recite traditional vows, your officiant can help you select the set that is most appropriate and meaningful to both you and your partner.Some couples opt to write their own vows in order to personalize their ceremony further. Writing personalized vows is a way to proclaim your love for one another in your own words.
Writing Your Own Vows
Thinking of adding your own personal touch? Here are some quick and easy tips:
1. Let your officiant help you
Some religions still require both parties to recite a portion of traditional vows. Speak with your officiant to work out any necessary details so the ceremony goes seamlessly.
2. Research online and see what others have used
Think back to wedding you’ve been to and listen closely at the ones you’re attending this season. And if you haven’t been to many weddings, search online for videos and transcripts. A little inspiration can go a long way!
3. Talk with each other about your relationship
Write down bullet points about your fiancé, the first time you met, when you knew you were in love, and exactly why you are getting married. These notes will help you form complete thoughts as well as large points you want to highlight in your vows.
4. Decide on some promises.
You can combine broad promises along with more specific ones. Mix it up but ensure all your promises are true to you and your partner’s relationship.
5. Be sure to write it out
Writing a rough draft that you edit numerous times will usually produce the best results. Some couples wait until the day of and scrawl their vows out while they are getting ready. Writing beforehand can ensure cohesive thoughts, allow you to edit the areas that are not perfect and to practice.
One aspect couples often overlook is the presentation of their vows. You should write your final copy on a neat piece of paper or some type of stationary that matches your wedding theme. In photos of the vow exchange you will see whatever the vows are written on so having a crumpled piece of paper will appear disheveled.
DO NOT use your phone. Besides all of the mishaps that occur using your cellphone (screen going dark, having to thumb down the page, phone vibrating) it’s just plain tacky and shows a lack of preparation.
6. Keep your vows to one or two minutes at most
If your vows are longer than two minutes, consider editing them down. Focus on the major promises you want to make in front of your nearest and dearest. You can also write your partner a sweet note to read the morning of the wedding, or give a toast during the reception.
7. Practice, Practice, Practice!!!
Practicing your vows out loud will allow you to catch run on sentences and tongue twisters. If you hear any, rewrite them. The tone you speak with should be heartfelt but conversational. It should not sound as if you are giving a speech. And you’ll be more comfortable speaking towards your significant other and all your guests the day of if you practiced beforehand.
Choosing to write your own vows is part of the day you will remember forever. It is a significant task to write your vows and recite them with family and friends intently watching. Some people become overwhelmed with emotion and are unable to share their vows. Have a back up plan in case this happens. Perhaps, the officiant can even read the vows for you if you can’t. Be calm and remember that everyone in attendance is there to support you and your new beginning!